Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
