he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
