It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so let's talk penis.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
