I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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