I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
