i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
