She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just invented taco cereal.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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