I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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