What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
