It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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