I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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