so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
