I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
