Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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