Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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