Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize