We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
