oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
