I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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