So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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