I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
