I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
As shirtless as possible
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
