my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
