He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish i was in the wii world.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
