he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
