Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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