I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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