Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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