she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
