if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
