My Higher Power is John Stamos
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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