wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize