you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Farmville is her only friend.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
