When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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