Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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