The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
