you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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