Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
