I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
