made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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