My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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