I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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