I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
