There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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