I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
