If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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