Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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