I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
