Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
