I puked a lego.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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