I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
