Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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