thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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