We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
