It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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