Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
