Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Randomize
