that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
