Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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