so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
