just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
