Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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