I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
