I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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