We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
