Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
