Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We left an ass print on the piano.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
