i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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