Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
