Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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