Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
