just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
