from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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