I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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