I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
