the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
