now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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