So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
