I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
