i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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