speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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