i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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