The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
