just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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