i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
