she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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