This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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