Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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