We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
