They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
