Where did you get a picture of my penis
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
