thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
