Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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