I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
