Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You dont lie about slip and slides
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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