I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize