is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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