my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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