I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
