It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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