best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
