I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
