i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
