Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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