just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
