Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
