somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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