Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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