the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
His nipple licking is glorious
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